Calvin and Hobbes: Camp Chaos SEASON 1
by Storygirl000
Summary: My take on the "if Calvin and Hobbes were a TV show" sub-genre. Calvin and Hobbes are forced to go to summer camp, where they make new friends and enemies. SCHEDULED FOR A REWRITE.
1. It All Begins

**Okay! Since Krampus'll be ending soon, I thought I'd get started on a new story! Hope you like it!**

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A car pulled up in front of the entrance to a summer camp. The sign, faded with age, revealed nothing about the camp's name.

A door opened in the car, and out flew a kid, a tiger, and a suitcase or two. The car then drove off at top speed.

The kid muttered something and stood up, dusting himself off. He wore a red shirt with black stripes, black shorts, and red-and-white sneakers. His blond hair stood up in spikes.

His name was Calvin. He was six years old.

"Remind me again why we're here, Hobbes?" Calvin asked the tiger. He picked up the suitcases.

"Well, your dad went to this camp at your age, and he thought it would be a great opportunity for you to come here," Hobbes explained. "Also, you kinda wrecked things with water balloons."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Calvin sighed. He walked into the camp, Hobbes following behind him.

A young teenaged girl came up to them. She had carrot-colored hair tied back in a ponytail and wore a counselor's uniform.

"Welcome to Camp-"

An explosion sounded, obstructing the name of the camp. No one took notice.

"-young camper! I'm Paige, and I'm a counselor in training! What's your name?"

"I'm Calvin," said Calvin. He pointed towards Hobbes. "This is my man-eating tiger, Hobbes."

Paige looked at Hobbes and saw nothing but a stuffed tiger. "Cute. You're in Cabin 4. Hey, my brother's there, too!"

"Thanks," Calvin sighed. He started heading towards Cabin 4, but quickly encountered an obstacle.

A boy about his age blocked his path. His brown hair covered his eyes, but the rest of his body was big and muscular. Except his nose. It was just big.

His name? Moe.

" **hey twinkie, gimme your money,** " he grunted in his bold, lowercased speech.

Calvin backed up. If he knew Moe, he was probably going to be beaten up, money or no money. Hobbes, meanwhile, was paralyzed in fear.

"Leave him alone!" a voice sounded. Before Calvin had a chance to register it, a girl had jumped between him and Moe.

Her black hair was pulled back in a ponytail, leaving a pair of sidetales. Her dark eyes glinted with anger. She wore a pink shirt, jeans, and a pair of white shoes.

Following behind her, however, was something even more amazing. It was a white horse, bigger than the girl, but Calvin was quick to notice the horn it had.

"A unicorn," he breathed in amazement.

" **fine** ," Moe grumbled, walking away.

The girl turned to Calvin. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Calvin said. "You have a unicorn."

"And you have a tiger," the girl pointed out.

Hobbes did a double take. "You can _see_ me?! I thought only Calvin could see me!"

The unicorn sighed. "Yet another example of the **_SHIELD OF BORINGNESS_**."

"The Shield of Boringness?" Hobbes asked.

"No, no, the **_SHIELD OF BORINGNESS_** ," the unicorn corrected. "It's a magical field that makes the extraordinary seem mundane. Like me, for example.

"However, there are several people who possess an immunity to it. Normally, when people see you, you are nothing but a stuffed animal. People immune to the **_SHIELD OF BORINGNESS_** , however, see you as you actually are."

"Oh! I should probably introduce myself," the girl noticed. "I'm Phoebe Howell, and this is Marigold Heavenly Nostrils." She pointed to the unicorn as she said this. "And you are?"

"I'm Calvin, this is Hobbes, and you are oficially the only non-slimy girl I've ever met!" Calvin decided.

Phoebe shrugged. "Since you look like you're six, I'll take that as a compliment. See you around!" With that, she and Marigold walked off.

Calvin and Hobbes continued their trek to Cabin 4, until they came across a row of cabins. "Which one do you think is Cabin 4?" Calvin asked.

"The one with the number four on it?" Hobbes pointed out. Sure enough, right in front of them was a cabin with a 4 drawn on its door.

"Yeah, probably that," Calvin decided.

They walked in and looked around the cabin in amazement. There was a main room with a couch, a flatscreen TV, and a row of cubbies. To the left was a door leading into a room with two bunks, and straight ahead was a bathroom with all the necessary supplies, including a bathtub.

On the couch were two boys of about ten, watching a movie. One of them had blond hair and glasses, the other was black with black hair in a sort of afro. They both looked up when they heard the door shut.

"Ah. You must be our cabin-" the blond boy started to say. He stopped and stared wide-eyed at Hobbes. "You have a _tiger_?!"

"Um, yeah," Calvin responded.

"THAT IS SO _COOL_!" the black kid yelled. "My mom won't even let me have a dog!" He quieted down. "I'm Marcus, and this is my friend Jason. We're scientists."

"I'm Calvin, the tiger's called Hobbes. I'm an inventor."

"An inventor, huh?" Jason asked. "What've you made so far?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't recommend ever asking that again," Hobbes sighed, while Calvin started digging through his bag. He eventually pulled out a red squirt gun.

"Behold! The Transmogrifier Gun!" Calvin announced. "Think of what you wanna turn someone into, aim, and bam!"

He aimed the gun at Hobbes. A crackling red beam shot out of it, hitting Hobbes and blinding Jason and Marcus temporarily. When they could see again, they looked at Hobbes-and gasped.

In place of the tiger was an orange wiener dog with black stripes. He was not amused. He let out a few high-pitched barks.

"Alright, alright, I'll change you back in a minute," Calvin grumbled. He turned to an awestruck Jason and Marcus. "By the way, which of you is related to a peppy carrotheaded counselor named Paige? She mentioned having a brother in this cabin."

Jason groaned. "Sadly, that would be me."

"He hates girls in general, actually," Marcus pointed out. "Except Phoebe. She's pretty cool."

Calvin quickly turned Hobbes back into a tiger and pulled a container out of his bag. "I have here an infinite box of water balloons."

A devilish grin came across the face of all three boys. Hobbes quickly spoke up. "Do you think Phoebe might want to join?"

"Hmmmm...I didn't think about that," Calvin noted.

"SUCK IT, DAKOTA!"

The cabin door slammed open, revealing a very steamed Phoebe and Marigold.

"She shares a cabin with us?" Hobbes asked.

Jason nodded. "Hey, Phoebe, you wanna join us in soaking all the other girls in camp?"

"Why not? I call triple-soaking Dakota," Phoebe hissed.

"Alright then! Grab some water balloons and let's go!" Calvin cheered.

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Needless to say, they got in trouble, but they managed to soak every girl in camp and then some. The counselors then banned them to their cabin for the rest of the day.

They didn't care, though. Before the day ended, Calvin had called a special meeting of G.R.O.S.S.

"Today, we gather to indoctrinate four new members of our club!" Calvin announced, putting on a newspaper hat. "I, dictator-for-life Calvin, shall grant them their ranks, while president and Tigre Numero Uno will make them the mandatory newspaper hats!

"First, for bravely soaking a counselor-in-training with a water balloon, I bestow Jason Fox with the rank of genius-in-command!"

Everyone applauded as Jason stood up. Hobbes put a newspaper hat on his head.

"Second, for tricking a girl into getting a bucket of ice water dumped on her head, I bestow Marcus Jones with the title of genius-second-in-command!

"Third, for bravely betraying her kind, triple-soaking a girl and defending me from Moe, I bestow Phoebe Howell with the title of spy and cartographer!

"And finally, for presenting us with means of escape when we needed to get the heck out of there, I bestow Marigold Heavenly Nostrils with the title of escape vehicle and magical wifi hotspot!"

Everyone in the room now wore a newspaper hat and were cheering and clapping.

"So now what?" Hobbes asked. "Shall we sing the G.R.O.S.S. Anthem?"

Calvin shook his head. "Nah, we'll teach it to 'em next meeting."

"I have an idea," Phoebe said, pulling out an iPod. She showed a song on it to the others.

"Perfect!" Jason said. "We could sing that instead!"

"Because spontaneously bursting into song is original for a kids show," Hobbes muttered.

"Oh, relax, it'll probably become a part of the series later." Calvin stated.

"I'll provide the music, but I'm afraid that by singing, I'll enchant you all with my melodious voice," Marigold said.

"Alright then!" Marcus shouted. "Let's hit it!"

 **Calvin** : Don't tell the gods

I left a mess

I can't undo

What has been done

Let's run for cover

 **Jason** : What if I'm the only

Hero left

You better fire

Off your gun

Once and forever

 **Marcus** : He said go dry your eyes

And live your life

Like there is no tomorrow, son

And tell the others

 **Phoebe** : To go sing it like

A hummingbird

The greatest anthem

Ever heard

 **Hobbes** : We are the heroes of our time!

But we're dancing with the demons in our minds!

 **All** : We are the heroes of our time!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

But we're dancing with the demons in our minds!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

We are the heroes of our time!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

But we're dancing with the demons in our minds!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

 **Calvin** : The crickets sing

A song for you

Don't say a word,

Don't make a sound

It's life's creation

 **Jason** : I make worms

Turn into butterflies

Wake up and turn

This world around

In appreciation

 **Marcus** : He said I never left

Your side

When you were lost

I followed right behind

Was your foundation

 **Phoebe** : Now go sing it like

A hummingbird

The greatest anthem

Ever heard

Now sing together

 **All** : We are the heroes of our time!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

But we're dancing with the demons in our minds!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

 **Hobbes** : We are the heroes!

 **All** : We keep dancing

With the demons

You could be a hero

 **Phoebe** : Now go sing it like

A hummingbird

The greatest anthem

Ever heard

Now sing together

 **All** : We are the heroes of our time!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

But we're dancing with the demons in our minds!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

We are the heroes of our time!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

But we're dancing with the demons in our minds!

Heroes!

Oooh-whooah

 **Hobbes** : We are the heroes!

At the end of the song, Marigold applauded. "That was almost as beautiful as me!" she said.

"Hmmmm...maybe would should have spontaneous singing in the show," Hobbes decided. "Except with no real warning next time. Also, we should try to come up with original songs."

"Good idea, Hobbes!" Marcus said.

And that is how the residents of Cabin 4 became the best of friends.

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 **Cast in order of appearance:**

Calvin: Pamela Segall

Hobbes: Tom Hanks

Paige: Ashley Tisdale

Moe: Elizabeth Daily

Phoebe: Chloë Grace Moretz

Marigold: Tabitha St Germain

Jason: Ben Stiller

Marcus: Jason Bateman

00000

 **Okay, a couple things to say here. First, I was inspired to write this because of two different fanfic series: Swing123 and garfieldodie's Calvinverse fics (specifically Calvin and Hobbes: The Series) and Blue Paratroopa's Calvin at Camp series, which also has Calvin befriending Jason and Marcus. Both are awesome series and you should check them out. Anyway, if similarities between Camp Chaos and either of those pop up, that was probably not intentional, just a lack of either creativity or filtering of ideas on my part.**

 **Second, the song Calvin and friends sang at the end was Heroes by Måns Zelmerlöw. It won the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest, it's the only Eurovision song I actually remember (except that turkey one...*shudders*), and I thought it would be fitting for Calvin and his friends to sing it.**

 **This is Storygirl000, signing off on these ridiculously long author's notes and reminding you to R & R!**


	2. Rewrite notice

**Hello again.**

 **Now, I know what you're thinking; "oh no, she's posting a notice in bold, that means the story's gonna be cancelled!"**

 **Don't worry, I'm not actually going to be cancelling this story. However, I am going to be doing a complete rewrite of the first chapter, mostly due to glaring errors in characterization (Calvin warming up to a girl** ** _that_** **quickly? Come on.) I also did an overhaul on many of the ideas I originally had for this series.**

 **Hopefully, the rewrite should be coming soon. When it does, this chapter will be deleted.**

 **Thank you for your patience on the matter.**

 **-Storygirl000**


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